Paparazzi Poetry
by DKscribe88
Summary: That crazy camerawoman of class 3A is here to wreak a little havoc on her unsuspecting classmates. 'A writer writes about what she knows.' And what does Kazumi Asakura know about better than the scandalous lives of class 3A.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: I have not now, nor have I ever been the owner of a series as awesome as Negima?! I've begged and pleaded with any and all deities I could think of, but they would not grant me this kindness. This story however, is mine. Enjoy!

Paparazzi Poetry

"Ok, intro? Wait, do poems even have intros?" Ace reporter and blackmailer extraordinaire Asakura Kazumi paused in thought; unable to think of a way to start her latest English assignment. She was charged with the task of writing what many believed to be an outdated form of expressionism observed only by beatniks snapping their fingers at any idiot that thought themselves deep and understanding of the world.

She sighed heavily, twirling her pencil around as she allowed her mind to wander aimlessly about a dozen different topics for articles in the latest issue of the Mahora newspaper; when a brilliant idea shot through her head. Famous writers always write about what they know, and if Kazumi knew anything, it was how class 3-A ticked. A sly grin was plastered over her face as she lowered her pencil to paper…

The weekend passed by slowly for most; except for the vampire, her robot, and the ghost. Everyone else was so concerned and frustrated about their assignment, but most, aside from the Baka Rangers (exempting Yue, for philosophy and poetry fit well together) managed to scribble down something or other about mundane things that happened in their life. Yuna wrote about her dad, the Narutaki twins wrote about some childish prank they pulled, and class rep wrote what was expected of her; her dream of having a romantic evening with a certain ten-year-old boy genius who shall remain nameless (NEGI!).

There were a select few who managed to get their real feelings down on paper. Chisame wrote about the incessant annoyance she felt whenever she was around a living human being and how she was slowly slipping into insanity from having to deal with the constant idiocy of her fellow classmates minds when it came to technology. Konoka wrote about her angel and Setsuna also found a way to express her feelings about Konoka without actually revealing her crush's identity.

Unfortunately for some, none of these poems were read aloud in class; except one. The mischievous red-haired loudmouth who always had everyone hanging on her every word; no matter how ridiculous it sounded.

"All right everyone, now that we've all turned in our poetry assignments, let's turn to page 206 in our-"

"Professor, I wish to read my poem aloud. Do you mind?" Kazumi waved her hand with an extra copy of her poem fluttering from the man-made wind. Negi sighed, knowing how relentless Kazumi was when it came to her announcements, or in this case, her recitations.

"Very well Asakura-san. If you insist."

"Oh, my classmates will definitely flip over this work of art. Check it."

…I bet you can't wait to read the poem! Sorry I had to cut it off there, and yet in a sick, twisted, evil kind of way I'm not sorry at all! The next installment will be within the week. Until then. Peace out.


	2. Chapter 2

Hiya my few but much appreciated readers! Well, obviously next week meant next year when it came to an update. Writer's block sucks! I Hope this chapter makes up for my absence. I have most of the story written out, but it needs some tweaking before I unveil it. Now, on with the show! Oh yeah, and I don't own Negima?! (sob)

"Extra! Extra!" By Kazumi Asakura

"Snooping is life, at least mine anyway

It's the greatest way I know to learn about class 3-A

I think I will go straight on down the line

For the beginning is everything, brilliant and divine"

After hearing this, the students all groaned, wondering exactly what type of horrible secrets Kazumi was sure to give away. Negi turned pale and sweatdropped; nearly collapsing in despair. "Here we go…" He sighed, preparing himself for the worst.

"Student # 1 Sayo Aisaka's really fun

A clever kawaii ghost, she's rarely seen yet sees the most

A phantom that's always here and always there

She's physically incapable of giving a good scare"

Sayo beamed at the first two lines, and laughed a bit with the last, since she wasn't actually physically able to do anything. Negi gave a great sigh of relief. _Hopefully this won't turn out to be such a disaster after all_, he thought, as Kazumi continued on.

"Student # 2's a real basketball jock

Yuna Akashi really knows how to rock

A neat freak who's Daddy's little girl

Her obsession with him makes me wanna hurl"

At this, Yuna fumed. She reached out from behind her desk, ready to take aim and fire, but one look from Negi-sensei and she reluctantly placed the basketball projectile back under her chair.

"Student # 3 is me!

That cute and rockin' paparazzi

I always get my scoop, always get my story

I'm a world class snoop, searching for eternal glory"

Everyone rolled their eyes. Kazumi's ego was getting the better of her, and they all knew how miserable it would be for the duration of the poem. This time Negi sighed in defeat_. I've let loose a monster. Asuna's gonna kill me! _Kazumi continued on.

"Student # 4; our own Yue Ayase

A realist and juice geek who brightens up your day

Who knows what she'll be drinking, it's never quite the same

She's the leader of the Baka Force who are very lame"

Yue did what she does best. She stared blankly, showing no emotion and calmly sipped her garlic and watermelon juice box. She couldn't exactly blame the journalist. What she said was all fact.

"Student # 5 is our resident nurse

Ako Izumi's afraid of blood! What a curse!

In love with a boy way out of her class

She watches him leave and thinks, 'What a fine ass!'"

Ako glanced at Negi as her cheeks burned red with shame. She slunk down in her seat and quietly began to cry. Akira glared daggers at Kazumi for bringing up fake Nagi. Her eyes lit up in a challenge just daring the reporter to say something bad about her. Kazumi ignored her and charged onward.

"Student # 6 is a tall drink of water

Akira Okochi brings other swimmers to the slaughter

Gentle and soft, caring and kind

She helps out her friends when they're in a bind"

Satisfied that no harm was done to her reputation, Akira went over and enveloped Ako in a calming embrace, attempting to placate the now sobbing girl. Ako's sobs soon became nothing more than soft hiccups, and after making sure she would be all right, Akira returned to her seat, continuing to glare at the red haired ruffian at the head of the class.

"Student # 7 is the head cheerleader

Kakizaki Misa just couldn't be any sweeter

But her and her friends love to gossip, see?

She may even give Haruna a run for her money"

Kakizaki beamed with pride; actually believing the red-headed liar. She released a dazzling smile at the resident gossip queen, and almost lost her head as a textbook grazed her ear; Haruna's love antennae twitching in agitation all the while. Kazumi paused and swallowed loudly before going on. She usually had no problem stating the honest truth, but she was also concerned with her health and what a certain fiery redhead might do to her.

"Student # 8 is Baka Red

Cross Asuna Kagurazaka, and man you're dead

She's got an old crush; our Heterochromatic maid

Takahata-sensei's the way she wants to get laid"

Asuna turned crimson with rage. Murder filled her eyes and she jumped from her seat; flipping it over as she charged forward; pactio card in hand. Luckily the whole class knew of her abilities and ducked for cover as her absurdly long sword appeared out of nowhere.

"Oh, shit! Igottarun!TuneintotheMahorapaperforthe nextinstallment!Bye!" Kazumi rambled as she sprinted out the door; Asuna swinging her sword wildly as she tore off after her.

Setsuna looked at Konoka as the commotion died down.

"I'm suddenly afraid to buy a newspaper tomorrow." Konoka stated.

"Well, we can always hope Asuna succeeds in her mission," joked the samurai. Konoka laughed and pulled the warrior into a hug. Said warrior turned bright red, falling to the floor bleeding heavily from the nose.

"Oh no! Se-chan!"

Well, that's all for now. Next chapter coming soon. Reviews are appreciated and for any of you reading 'Shadow Heart' I'll try my hardest to get the next chapter out ASAP. Can't guarantee when cuz work is an obstacle, but what can ya do? Peace out readers!


	3. Chapter 3

I'm back! Miss me? A great, big thanks to all who reviewed. I treasure each and every one of them. Had a few days off from work, which is why this was updated so soon. What better way to beat the soon-to-be-summer heat than to sit in front of a fan and write. Enough about me, On with the Show!

P.S. I don't own Negima! or its characters!

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><p>The morning after Asuna's failed assassination attempt class 3-A cautiously crept their way through the halls, the fear of what the new addition of the school paper might contain fixed firmly in their minds. If they knew one thing about Asakura, they knew that nothing she said should be ignored.<p>

One by one, they each picked up an issue, meeting up in the classroom to gather support from each other as they read the potentially reputation damaging stanzas. Ayaka, ever the class rep, bravely stood out in front, clearing her throat as she read:

"Mahora News Special Addition:

Extra! Extra!

A Poetic Report by Kazumi Asakura"

Ayaka proceeded to read the first eight secret revealing stanzas they had heard previously, before boldly continuing forward.

"Student # 9 is a short-haired nun

Kasuga Misora really loves to run

Once, she pretended to be a priest

Sister Shakti ripped her a new one, to say the least"

"I thought that priest was suspicious! I can't believe it was you! You are so gonna get it after school, religious protection or not; you are goin' DOWN!" Asuna shouted. As this was being said, Setsuna, recovered from the brain hemorrhage of yesterday, turned beat red as anger and embarrassment rushed through her system. She slowly unsheathed her sword, making sure Kasuga heard the sharper-than-a-razor blade being drawn out of its sheath. Kasuga gulped, ducking down as far as she could, and praying that her life would be spared. Ayaka read on.

"Student # 10 is Chachamaru Karakuri

A robot whose possibility of emotions is blurry

Tending to Evangeline, her loyalty never wavers

She also rescues kittens and does people favors"

Everyone glared jealously at the currently emotionless robot. What's so special about her that she gets a free pass? Evangeline chuckled inwardly, knowing exactly why. The ever clever camerawoman was keeping her nose clean and the blood in her veins. Insulting a vampire's robot is never a good idea.

"Student # 11 is the sensible cheerleader

To be responsible is why the others need her

Keeping them from spending everything on karaoke

Madoka Kugimiya is fairly grounded, and all around okay"

Madoka smirked at the other cheerleaders after hearing that, and they bowed their heads in shame. They knew they were airheads, but you can't place all the blame on them. After all, it's two against one and Madoka, although the voice of reason, still gets dragged wherever the other two want to go. Yet another student was safe from embarrassment. So far so good; only one casualty.

"Student # 12, the Chinese Master, Fei Ku

When she walks down the street, her fan's go 'Whoo-hoo!'

She trains Negi-sensei and doesn't give an inch

Baka Yellow is there if you're ever in a pinch"

Fei Ku grinned at this. She may not have been able to speak English very well, but she knew how to take a complement. Suddenly, she felt the bravado that comes with being one of the strongest people in the world and puffed out her chest. "Negi, you Master challenge you after school today for training. It be fun." Negi, who had just joined the group, gulped when he saw the fire in her eyes.

Knowing who's next, Konoka reached over and gripped Setsuna's hand tightly; the candy apple red samurai doing everything in her power to keep it together. She had to be strong for her Ojou-sama, and fainting certainly would not help things.

"Student # 13 is the dean's granddaughter

Evil and mean is everything that's not her

Completely oblivious and ditzy to boot

Konoka Konoe's the heir to some serious loot"

Konoka relaxed and then pouted cutely after she'd heard her bit. She was not ditzy. Her grades were one of the highest in the class. She was just a ray of sunshine because for so many years she'd been stuck behind palace walls and now she had to make up for lost time. And having her Se-chan by her side helped her already bubbly personality to burst forth and flow through every situation within her life. She gazed dreamily in her protector's direction, still holding hands, and sighed deeply. Setsuna noticed and began sweating quite profusely, the exertion from staying conscious taking its toll.

"Student # 14 is the 'gossip queen'

Haruna Saotome draws manga that's obscene

If you have a secret make sure she's not there

Or everyone will know about it everywhere"

Haruna's glasses glinted dangerously, along with a smirk that sent shudders through the rest of class 3-A. She began thinking of a way to thank Kazumi for her marvelous introduction, and proceeded to scribble in her notebook menacingly, causing a loud gulp to come from everyone in the room, including Negi.

It was Konoka's hand that was now being gripped with a force greater than that required to break someones bones. The heiress winced and let out a whimper, causing the samurai to slightly lessen her grip from bone breaking, to slightly bruising.

"Student # 15 is Konoka's personal bodyguard

Setsuna Sakurazaki has fallen for her, hard

Unsure how to tell the girl how she does feel

Now that she knows, my death's a done deal

Although she was nowhere near class 3-A's room, Kazumi felt a chill go down her back, and a heavy sense of dread weighed down upon her shoulders. And it wasn't just her. Everyone within a mile of the enraged samurai felt the impending wrath coming from the death glare she was sporting. Many of those in class 3-A fainted in fear, others cowering under their desks. Only one was unaffected. The heiress brought Setsuna's attention to her by cupping her face; turning it towards her.

"Se-chan, is what she wrote true?" Konoka's gaze turned hopeful and; realizing she was backed into a corner; Setsuna finally took the plunge. Moving forward, she gave her secret crush a quick peck on the lips, a silent confirmation that caused exhilaration to burst forth from the heiress. Before Setsuna could fully move back, Konoka surged forward, sealing their lips in a passionate kiss; a kiss that exceeded Setsuna's wildest dreams.

"Whoo-hoo! Go Konoka! Taste that sinfully demonic chocolate!" Haruna was about to continue, when her face was met with the feet of Yue and Nodoka. She flew backwards, smacking against the floor as hands moved over her mouth.

"I don't think Setsuna would appreciate you telling everyone she's a demon! I don't know about you, but I've seen enough death glares for one day." Yue warned, removing her hand when Haruna nodded in agreement. Luckily, everyone missed the revealing innuendo, too caught up in the visual spectacle of the two lovebirds, now deepening the kiss, hands wandering.

"Rein it you two! You're giving Negi a heart attack!" Asuna shouted, as Negi keeled over.

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><p>Another one bites the dust! Hope you enjoyed it. If you haven't noticed, I'm a huge KonoSetsu fan, and I just couldn't help myself. Can't wait to post the next chap, but I have no idea when I'll get to. I won't have net access for a week or so, but I'll get it out to you guys when I can. Reviews are always appreciated! Peace out my readers!<p> 


	4. Chapter 4

What's up my readers! Back again I am, and anxious to continue my foray into poetic literature. I just got back from jetskiing on the river, and I flew off at around 50mph. It fuddrucking sucks! Oh well…It seems you're enjoying this fic, or at least I think you are. You are, aren't you? (starts freaking out. Enter Chizuru Naba, wraps her arms around DK, nearly suffocating her with her…assets. DK flails around until…) *Gasp* (Out of breath) Th…Thank you Chizuru. That was very…calming. Well, now that my freak out session is over, (I don't own Negima?) On with the Show!

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><p>She's running. As fast as she can go through the underbrush, her pursuers hot on her trail. A video camera screen lights her way in the darkness, recording her heavy breathing like something out of the Blair Witch Project (AN: I don't own that either!)<p>

"Their after me! *Pant Pant* I don't…know how much…longer I can…outrun them…" Just then she felt the tickle of a breath on the back of her neck. She gave a small scream and redoubled her efforts, trying to gain distance. Thorns and branches ripped at her clothes and face, blinding her to the root sticking up from the ground. She tripped and fell headlong, smacking her head on a log. Her mind, and her camera screen, went black. Hidden by thick bushes, the pounding footsteps of her hunters rushed past, unaware of how close their prize was.

**Earlier that day…**

"Lay him down gently. Chisame! Give me you computer case to put under his head."

"Hell no! This case is a limited addition Chiu product!"

"Give it to me RIGHT NOW, or I'LL…" Ayaka stomped menacingly towards the not-so-secret net idol, eyes blazing with hellfire. Chisame whimpered and shakily reached out with case in hand. Snatching it viciously from the cowering computer queen, the class rep seemed to Shundo to Negi's side, oh-so-delicately raising his head to slip the case underneath.

"All right, now that the twerp's all nice and comfy, let's get back to the…Hey where'd Konoka and Setsuna go?" The redhead scoped out the room, noticing the leering looks Haruna was throwing her way. "Spill it, Paru. Where'd our two love birds frolic off to?"

Haruna's love antennae twitch left, then right, finally settling on a direction due south from the gossip queen's seat. "I'd say there'll be some real tonsil hockey action up at the world tree in just a few minutes." Glasses glinted and the skritch skritch of pencil on drawing pad commenced.

Letting out a long sigh, Asuna turned her attention back to the chaos that is her class and called for silence again.

"Since Ayaka won't be leaving her precious teacher's side any time soon, I guess it's up to me to read this…this…whatever-you-call-it. What's the word…Slander! Please be seated and pay attention. Here we go:

"Student # 16 is the bubbly Baka Pink

Makie Sasaki is the force's weakest link

Rhythmic gymnastics can only take you so far

What she knows could fit in the world's smallest jar"

"Now that's just mean. And besides, I'm just as smarterer as the rest of them. Do something Negi-Sensei!" Makie demanded of the unconscious kid. Makie was right, for once. Granted it was just about the rhyme being mean but still. And Negi never got a chance to see it. So sad. The gymnast slumped in her seat. She wracked her brain, trying to get that hamster wheel turning out a plan to torture the out-of-control newsie using only a ribbon. A sick, twisted smile appeared on that normally spaced out face as Baka Pink giggled maniacally.

"Oookaayy! Moving on…

"Student 17 completes the trio, and she is quite the dip

Sakurako Shiina sees things like a false relationship

Always into trouble, finding things that are not there

This karaoke queen leaves all her subjects in despair"

Sakurako squawked indignantly. "Just because I nearly destroyed Negi's reputation…and Konoka's that's no reason…to…Never mind. Ohh, curse that Kazumi! Come on girls!" The cheer-tastic twits came together, pom-poms in hand.

"Ready? Ok!

Kazumi! Kazumi! She likes to rag

On everybody, what a mean old hag!

Doesn't have the balls to show up and fight!

Let's go find 'er and make it right!

Beat 'er down with a big, fat stick!  
>Give her ass a nice, swift kick!<p>

Lets go! Lets go! Class 3-A!

Good ol revenge will make things ok!"

The girls finished up with the normal shouts of "Hurray", jumping around and giggling like idiots. Evangeline, who'd been sitting idly by while the spectacle unfolded around her, decided to roll her eyes in irritated acknowledgement.

_"I hate cheerleaders. Stupid, simple minded creatures proudly showing one of the many faults of human society, in which girls are noted only for their busts. If only I was allowed to kill again, cheerleaders would be first on the list. I wonder if they taste anything like Pop-rocks._

Evangeline began salivating. The girls paid her sadistic leer no mind, as they continued to celebrate their new cheer. As this was going on, Asuna glanced at the next verse, hands shaking in slight fear as she realized who it was.

_Well, here goes nothing. I just hope she doesn't shoot the messenger._

"Student # 18 is Mana Tatsumiya

When she comes around most people say, 'See ya!'

This sniper girl is one tall palooka

Boys, be careful of her big bazookas"

Mana froze. Everyone turned to look and saw something that would likely never be seen again. Mana blushed. Jaws dropped all over the room as that little involuntary reaction confirmed that Mana is, in fact, human. But before anyone could comment on that fact, the blush turned a blazing, angry red.

"Kazumi, you are so dead." With those words, Mana walked over to the cheerleaders. The unlikely group began a serious discussion on how to track and maim the red haired scourge. Misora joined them.

"I guess it's open season on Asakura!" Fuka commented.

"Yeah, it's gonna be fun watching her and Misora attack. A nun and her gun, ha-ha! Cool!" shouted Fumika.

"So cool!" echoed Fuka.

"Can I PLEASE continue?" Asuna growled.

"Student # 19 is Chao Lingshen

She lives when now is considered back then

A genius who told us she was from Mars

We hope she's watching us from the stars"

"What the heck's Kazumi talking about? Chao's a Martian? And what's with the 'when now is considered back then' thing? None of it makes any sense! It's not logical." Madoka was confused beyond belief. There were very few that didn't know of the Mahorafest incident. The cheerleaders, twins, and Chizuru were the only ones kept in the dark. Ayaka was informed of everything when the group returned from the trip to the Magical world as promised by Asuna, but there seemed to be no need to tell the others. Madoka was about to continue freaking when Asuna intervened.

"Madoka, with all possible respect, zip your howling screamer and let me friggin' finish! Geez!" Asuna proceeded.

"Student # 20 trains in Koga ninja style

Face like a kitsune; eyes closed all the while

A certain dark skinned sniper has caught her slitted gaze

Super hot lady love's ahead one of these days"

Two tall figures froze, then slowly turned their heads to gaze at one another. Mana gave a questioning eyebrow quirk, as if saying "Is this true?" In response Kaede did a rare and wondrous thing. She opened here eyes fully, smiled, and gave a nod.

"Meet up with me after the execution?" Kaede asked/ordered. Mana blinked, then turned around. Kaede did not fail to notice the passion-filled gaze of confirmation that was subtly sent. She smiled and looked at Asuna who, like all the others in the room, was staring slack-jawed between the gunslinger and the ninja.

"Asuna, stop trying to catch flies and continue." Mana commanded sharply. A snap was heard as all jaws closed immediately. An order from the commander was to be followed post haste. Asuna cleared her throat and soldiered on.

"Student # 21 holds class title of biggest breasts

Chizuru Naba gets an 'A' in Victoria's Secrets tests

She can be kinda creepy when she gives advice

She comes bearing white onions so you better be nice

"What's she talking about with the white onions? Hey Chizuru, care to explain?"

"Well, if you'd like I can show y-"

"Nooo!" Natsumi ran to the red head, waving her hands as if to defend against some unseen foe. "Asuna, take my advice and walk away from this one. On second thought, run!" She bolted for the door. Chizuru stared at Asuna innocently. She shrugged.

"Moving on…

"Student # 22 and Student 23

The terror twins Fuka and Fumika Narutaki

Fuka is the oldest and loves a good prank

The gelatin in the pool, well you have her to thank

"Girls! I can't believe you would do something so childish!" Negi sprang up from his near comatose state. "I'm sorry but I'll have to report this to the headmaster and-" Slam! A visible crack could be seen crawling up the wall as Negi slid down to the ground, out cold once more. Ayaka yelped in shock, horror, and anger.

"Asuna! How could you-" Wham! Another creeping crevasse opened up, joining its sibling on the ceiling.

"How am I supposed to finish this friggin' thing with all these interruptions! All right then...

"But don't count out Fumika, or you'll be in trouble

More shy than her sister, but together their terror goes double

Ayase knows how to deal with them if they get out of line

She'll pick up a book and hit them with the spine!"

"That was awesome!"

"Way awesome! We don't know what you guys have against Kazumi but we think she's great!"

"So great!" The twins were energetic from the praise and randomly began wreaking havoc, vaulting over chairs, desks, people sitting in chairs at desks. It was getting on everyone's last nerve. Drawing from the poem, all eyes turned to Yue. Holding hardcover copies of _The Complete Miss Marple_and _War and Peace_, an assassin's glint in her eye, she closed in on the two unsuspecting miscreants. They'd accidentally hooliganed their way into a corner, and by the time they'd realized their fatal mistake, it was too late.

Terrified screams echoed through Mahora's halls; followed by a laughter so evil, it gave Evangeline's a run for her money. Meanwhile, Mana and the others began the hunt for our antagonistic anchorwoman.

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><p>Aaand scene. One more chapter's been wrapped up and we're coming to the wire. For any who are curious,<em> The Complete Miss Marple <em>is the world's biggest book of over 4,000 pages. I'm pretty sure it doesn't have a hardcover copy, but my artistic license has yet to be revoked so I'm gonna say it does. And as for the other book, I just picked the thickest one I own. And yes, I do hate cheerleaders. I acknowledge cheerleading as a sport, but after having to share a dorm during hockey camp with those chicks, all of whom I met were ditzy divas, I just hate em'. Sorry, to any of you who may have been one. Oh well, now for a preview of coming attractions. (Adopts voiceover announcer persona) What will happen next? Will Kazumi escape, or will her trackers crack her lenses? Still to come: Dark Evangel…Was our canny columnist smart enough to stay away, or will her journalistic instincts get her extinct? Tune in next time, same bat-time, same bat-channel. Also, Reviews are extremely appreciated! So glad to be in the double digits! Peace out my readers!


	5. Chapter 5

What's up my readers! Long time, no write. Sorry about not updating in a while, but there were three contributing factors. One: work has been sucking up all my time and causing tons of stress. Can I just say I HATE MY MANAGERS! (Clears throat) Moving on. Reason two: My garage burned down and all my precious hockey memories were destroyed! (Sighs sadly). Reason three: I'm getting near the end of my poem, and I don't want this fic to end! It'll mean that I have to work on my other one, and quite frankly I'm stuck. Hmm…maybe I can do a sequel to this one. I just had an idea! I need sequel ideas, so if you guys have any suggestions put em' in your reviews! Brilliant! Now then, I've blabbered long enough. (I don't own Negima?!) On with the show!

Crashing could be heard in the woods near the world tree.

"Where'd she go?" Misora wondered as the pissed-off pupils emerged from the sea of trees. "We almost had her!" The sister on a sortie was sporting a paintball gun with specially made ammo that leaves an exorcist cross on its victims. The track runner had had the weapon for quite a while. Knowing Sister Shakti did not approve of such things, and that the dorms had a rule against firearms (Mana being the exception) Misora stashed her weapon under her favorite pew and frequently snuck it out to "exorcize" unsuspecting students.

The other, and more terrifying gunslinger stopped leading her firing squad as she began calculating her next move. Obviously and surprisingly she had lost the trail of the sly scrivener.

**10 minutes later…**

A rustle could be heard from the bushes behind the two angry avengers. Muzzles pointed towards the sound, but were sorely disappointed as the three cheerleaders crashed out of the underbrush, panting like they'd hit 'the wall of pain.'

"Oh…Thank gods…we've stopped!" Groaned Misa. Mana snapped out of her pondering as she had made a decision.

"We need to get to high ground and survey the area. Let's get going!" With that she sprinted away. Misora followed excitedly, a group groan sounding behind her.

**Meanwhile…**

Another groan was sounded, though no one was around to hear it. Struggling to get to her feet and clutching her head in pain; the disheveled documenter leaned against a tree as she tried to focus her vision.

"Gods' damn it that hurt! I wonder how long I've been out." She reached into her pocket to check her cell phone. "2 pm! That's like, three hours! But at least I escaped, and once I figure out where the hell I am, I'll be practically home free. Now then, the best way to figure out where you are, is to look for landmarks…so I just need to find my camera an- Oh, no! My camera!"

She looked around slowly, after her neck reminded her of recent events. A few moments later, she spied a blinking red light under the very root she had tripped on. She glared at the offending offshoot before reaching underneath and pulling out the portable picture taker.

"Oh, please let it be ok…" Steeling herself, she flipped open the screen and hit playback. The quality was terrible, and she could now see that the lens was scuffed, but it still worked.

"Yes!" she hissed. "Had I lost all the dirt I have on this baby, my negotiating notions would be shot to hell. Now that I have this, I'll have even the great mercenary Mana retreating back to her foxhole." She snickered at that last remark. "Foxhole; more like Kaede's dorm room. Ha-ha! Now then…what's the biggest and easiest thing to find in Mahora?" She leaned against a tree and stared at the rough bark as she thought.

"Hmm, it's right at the tip of my finger, but I just can't think what it is." She continued staring. 3 seconds…5…10…slowly, as realization dawned, a deep red began to crawl up her neck, until her face blushed as red as Setsuna's when she falls victim to a glomp.

"Of course! The World Tree! I can't believe I didn't realize. I feel like such a Makie." Laughing at her own joke, she looked up and easily spotted the towering timber due west.

"Alright, now to the tree, and then home sweet dorm." With that being said, she marched/limped on her way.

**At the same time…At an academy very close by…**

Two twin terrors sat in a corner of the class 3-A homeroom. Ako tended to them as they cried and held ice packs to their heads. Whenever one looked to be getting her strength back a low, monotone chuckle would sound from the opposite side of the room. A flash of blue; then _Thwwiippp!_ The flipping of paper would reverberate around the room, leaving the twins cowering under a desk, holding each other and shaking. Finally, one student cracked.

"YUE! You will stop that indescribably horrid racket, or I will see to it that every drop of your blood will be-hmph!" Evangeline's mouth was clamped shut by a cold metal hand. The little vampire did everything she could to pry the offending digits off, unable to order her servant to release her, for lack of voice.

"Master," the mechanical maiden voiced out calmly, yet firmly. "Your goal was to obliterate any chaotic and annoying sounds. Is that not correct?"

Eva growled angrily at her robotic retainer, but when there was no sign of movement from the other, she relented, sighed, and shook her head. Acknowledging the affirmation; Chachamaru removed her hand and leaned in close to Evangeline, so close that she could feel her robotically practiced breathing on her ear.

"Ch-Ch-Chacham-m-maru? What are you doing?" Eva nervously stuttered quietly.

"If that is indeed your goal," the robot said breathily, "then it would be best if you did not say anything pertaining to your immortality, or vampirism. Neither the twins nor Naba-san are aware of either quality. I do not think it wise that you tell them so…abruptly." Chachamaru had gotten closer and closer with each word; the last had cold lips drifting over smooth skin. Eva was full on blushing; unable to get a single word out to object. The robot moved back and gazed at her. Then, seemingly satisfied that her Master's secret would be kept in the dark, she turned her electronic gaze towards the front of the room, where Asuna was again trying to regroup. The small crowd was talking amongst themselves quietly; just enough so that it sounded like drunken fans at an American football game.

"Can everyone please-" Fuka squeaked in terror as Yue sauntered past. Asuna's irritation began to rise. "If I could just get you t-" Yet another eruption of noise stopped her in her tracks. "Hey! I'm trying t-"

"I saw what you did to Eva, Chachamaru. Spill it! What's your **real** relationship like?" Haruna accused loudly. That did it.

"Will everyone just SHUT THE HELL UP! I'M TRYING TO TALK HERE! ALL OF YOU SIT DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

The room became dead silent. All eyes were now on Asuna, and she gulped nervously as she faced them, before gathering her resolve.

"Thank you. Now then, we're coming to the home stretch here people, so let's not lose focus! Just remember, the sooner we get done, the sooner we can kill Kazumi."

That got everyone on alert, ready to take in any and all information that could fuel their current hatred for a certain red-haired reprobate. Satisfied that no more interruptions would take place, Asuna cleared her throat.

"Student # 24 is Satomi Hakase

Science is the subject where she's got a lot to say

Just don't tell her she sold her soul for it

Or she'll start a boring lecture in a geeky little fit"

Everyone turned expectantly to Hakase. The mad scientist's glasses glinted dangerously within the strange darkness that befell her. They all strained their ears…waiting.

And waiting…

Still waiting…

*Ahem* Uhh, Hakase? Aren'tcha gonna say something?" Asuna prompted. The form moved to adjust her position on her chair, before giggling softly.

"That's enough Chachamaru. Thank you for the effects." The darkness, soon revealed to be smoke, suddenly dissipated as Chacha clicked off a conveniently placed smoke machine and opened a window. Hakase leaned back in her chair and placed her hands behind her head.

"Why is everyone still looking at me? I dispute scientific falsities. What Kazumi said was fact. Whether or not I am offended by her words is an irrelevant waste of time. And, as I recall you saying Asuna, 'the sooner we get done, the sooner we can kill Kazumi.' So it is only logical that I wait until we do a group search and find her easily, than me going off for a half an hour about how scientists are mislabeled as geeks, and given a bad name if they are the least bit interested in science. Thus, forcing them to adopt a predisposition to be teased an-mmph!" Yet again, a frigid hand fastened over an unwilling mouth. Echoing Evangeline's earlier movements, the gee- (Hakase glares at writer) *Ahem* I mean, scientist frantically attempts to free her face from the clutches of her creation, only to fail. Cheers hailed the robot's decision to comply with Asuna's plan, but they quickly quieted as Asuna began quoting another verse.

"Student # 25, Chisame Hasegawa

A student with a computer who has a lot of power

She rules the geek net, Chiu is her title

For she is the bunny outfit wearing net idol"

"WHAT! Tha-Tha-That is completely untrue!" Chisame's voice rose to a screech.

_Oh no!_ _My secret is out! They know! Wait, their idiots. I just gotta play this cool, and they'll all get distracted when I throw a shiny coin across the room! Yeah, that's it. Now, let's see here…_

"Hey, check this out. The paper says 'go to page 8 for full details.'" _Flip. _Asuna's eyes scanned the page; then slyly slunk over to meet Chisame's.

Of course, Asuna knew full well that Chisame was Chiu. Having been forced to spend time with her in the Magical World, Asuna had gotten to know both girls a little too well for her liking. Those net idols can be quite freaky. Luckily, Chisame was levelheaded enough to get through it. In fact she surpassed everyone's expectations and became instrumental in Negi's eventual victory against Cosmo Entelecheia.

Regardless of that, Asuna just cannot pass up the opportunity that has been generously given to her by Kazumi Asakura's deviously artful act.

"Oh, look! There's a photo spread," Asuna spoke with painstakingly obvious false innocence. Chisame stiffened just as she got her hand around a particularly shiny coin.

_Oh, crap! Nonononononononono! Grrrrr, Asakura! You're gonna regret this!_

"Oh, man! You guys gotta see this! Hey, cool! There's a photo paper edition, and a bonus overhead projector version. Hey, Haruna! Set it up! Nodoka, once she's done turn out the lights. Makie, use your ribbon to pull down the screen. Good! Aaaandd…hit the lights!"

*Click*

Gasps of shock came through the crowd at the sight bared before them.

"Oh. My. Gods! Is she…"

"Yeah, she sure is! How does she make that fit in there?"

"I know! It's so Big! That's **way **too tight to-"

"Yeah, but look at how she stretches to-"

"ALL RIGHT!" *Click* "THAT"S ENOUGH! WHEN I FIND THAT LITTLE PHOTO FREAK I'M GONNA RIP HER HEAD OFF!" To emphasize that fact, Chisame stomped to the projector, tearing up the paper, ripping of the overhead light, and knocking the machine clear off its stand. "ANYONE ELSE WANNA SAY ANYTHING?!"

Peaceful silence was her answer. She snorted angrily as she stormed back to her seat. The others continued to stand and stare stupidly.

"SIT DOWN!" Chisame roared. The students immediately sat where they were, most ending up falling on each other as they hurried to obey and landing in a mish-mashed pile. Asuna sat with dog-like precision, arms awkwardly positioned holding the newspaper, so that it almost looked like she was begging for scraps. Realizing how very tall the desks suddenly were, she sighed in frustration, stood up and checked for the next name on the paper.

"Let's see, next up is…" In an instant her face was as pale as Sayo on a cold winter night in blizzard country. A shiver ran up her spine, through her head and up her hair, which continued to hang suspended in midair. When she hadn't moved for two minutes, Makie came up to investigate.

"Hey, Asuna? Are you ok?" Getting no response, Makie loosened the iron grip her fellow baka ranger had, and glanced at the next part. A cold knife stabbed into her stomach, another violent shiver rippled upward. Except now it's Ditzy Pink that's caught in the grips of fear. With two people now comatose, Chisame lost her patience. Violently crashing her way to the front, she ripped the paper out of Makie's hands, laughing as this pushed her off-balance into Asuna, and they toppled like two dominos.

"Geez, what wimps. Now that Tatsumiya-san is gone, no one can be that…ba…"

Ker-Thump! A third domino joined the crew. Yuna sighed as she prepared to face the devil on paper, when to pink blurs blazed past her. The twins scooped up the paper quick as lightning, each grabbing one side as two halves of the same person.

"Hey, look! It's Evangeline!"

"Why would anyone be afraid of a shrimpy little girl like that?" Knuckles cracked in the background, though Yuna could've sworn they were gunshots.

"Come on Sis, start reading!"

"Ok!

"Student # 26, Evangeline A.K. McDowell

A scary little blond who's always on the prowl

She doesn't say a lot, but if she does, things will get hot!

Better make damn sure your blood gets a clot!

"Hey, what do you think that means?"

"I dunno. But, hey…How come she gets two verses and everyone else got one? That's not fair! Sigh, oh well! Let's see here…

"Eva's really old, and that ain't no piece of cake

She's had to dodge crosses, and was once burned at the stake

Come on everyone, it's time to drop the mysterious bag

Of secrets, cuz in truth she's a mean ol' vampire hag!"

"AHAHAHAHAHAHA! AH-HAHAHAHAHA!" The twins hit the floor faster than our three senseless schoolgirls, rolling around spouting out big bellows of laughter. The mirthful little miscreants crowed, cackled, and chortled unashamedly. But they were yet again unaware of the danger surrounding them. Yuna and the other Ala Alba members quickly backed off, Nodoka muttering a whispered prayer to anyone who might hear her and grant protection on the poor, doomed souls.

The only other student dense enough not to sense the danger was Chizuru, but Natsumi quickly yanked her away as Chizuru said, "Silly Natsumi,"

The twins continued their howling, as a large, red tinged cloud of blackness creeped up behind them. Two blazing red eyes shone out from within its depths, a wicked smile flashing horrible white fangs glistened beneath them.

"You think that's funny, do you?" An unearthly sweet voice issued forth, finally stopping the twin's grating giggles. The two sisters crawled onto their knees, turning their necks slowly to face the oncoming death cloud. The energy in the room just seemed to suck the life from their bodies, leaving only empty, white shells.

The figure began inching closer, and closer. It towered over them, reaching clawed fingers towards their necks, fangs glinting, though no light seemed to be left in the room.

"Do you mind if I have a drink?" it menaced. The girls screamed and proceeded to faint in terror. The cloudy figure began to shrink, the darkness evaporated, and all returned to normal. Evangeline stood in front of the fainted siblings, hands on her hips, chest sticking proudly, albeit flatly, out and a devious grin plastered on her face. Maniacal laughter left the conscious members of the class trembling. Eva stopped, and calmly walked back to her seat.

"I applaud you Master," Chachamaru said. "No one was injured, and it seems your anger management program is a success."

Whew! That was close. Just remember Eva-chan, 'Goosefraba! Goosefraba!' Another fun chapter. It was supposed to be the last, but I thought the storyline needed to be more developed, especially with Eva's part. And I'm working on earning my Beta privileges. Call me a geek, but I think its fun to fix other people's stories. So, when I have a license to edit, and if any of you are interested, let me know. So, the final five are in the next chapter, and I have the time to write them somewhat, because of less work (And no, I was not fired) so, I'm free, yay! Well, I don't have much else to say, so…Peace out readers!

(Begins to leave the room, but turns back) Oh, by the way, scrivener is a real word. I personally think it's the stupidest, yet most interesting thing to call a reporter, but for those of you who are true masters of vocabulary, you think I'm an idiot. Quite frankly I couldn't care less and so I leave you particular people with some parting words: Screw you! (Skips merrily out the door)


End file.
